A Day in the Life of the Bad Guy

            Swordarok, the Dark Lord, Emperor of the Evil Empire, had but one weakness. He could not start his day until he had his coffee, that was nonnegotiable.

After that, he and his generals could start plotting what village to burn down next. The youngest general suggested capturing slaves but Swordarok reminded him that allowing survivors only results in them vowing vengeance and coming after the men who did it.

Next on the agenda was for Swordarok to brood in his throne room. He always made sure to look menacing, ready for some hero to burst on through. They would say something along the lines of, you-killed-my-father, or your-reign-of-tyranny-ends-today! They would always quickly fall to him, thinking that spamming one attack while constantly drinking healing potions was enough. Normally that would be but Swordarok discovered that if you don’t repeat the same attack patterns over and over you become harder to beat.

Unfortunately, this day was different, the hero who burst through this door was the successful one. This hero was the boy described in the prophecy. Swordarok panicked and curled back into his chair.

“THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE! YOU AREN’T SUPPOSED TO COME TIL NEXT YEAR! I STILL HAVE A YEAR LEFT ON MY REIGN!”

“My eighteenth-year dumbass!”

“Oh… at least I had a good run. See you when my subjects inevitably resurrect me for our rematch?”

“Yea sure. My decedents will probably turn evil and fight your good ones anyway.”

“Personally, my money is on them fucking.”

“You’re a jackass.”

With that the latest in a long line of ultimate evils was destroyed, and the land would that didn’t know the meaning of the world final would be safe forever.

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